Healing Past Trauma
Have you ever had a painful experience from decades ago suddenly resurface—almost as if you were pulled back in time?
I recently went through this, and it reminded me of something we don’t talk about enough:
Healing doesn’t happen once. It happens in layers.
Sometimes, a part of us isn’t ready to fully process something when it first happens. And years later, when we are stronger, more resourced, and more connected to ourselves… it comes back to be healed more deeply.
The Weight of Unprocessed Grief
In my teen years and early twenties, I experienced a significant amount of loss and gun violence. Friends passed away in tragic ways—suicide, violence, sudden deaths. It became an unsettling “normal” during a time that should have been filled with growth and lightness.
But the loss that impacted me most deeply was the death of a boyfriend when I was 20.
We had only been together a few months, but we were growing close. The night he died, we had our first argument. There was no closure. No resolution. Just an overwhelming confusion and shock.
I was awakened in the middle of the night with the news that he had been killed.
Everything inside of me shattered.
For months, I grieved deeply. I wrote poetry. I mourned him. I connected with his family. But eventually, life pulled me forward—college, relationships, responsibilities.
I thought I had healed.
But what I now understand is this:
I didn’t fully heal. I learned how to move on.
When the Past Reopens
Recently, I received news that his brother passed away—also suddenly and without clear answers.
In that moment, something inside me cracked open.
It felt like I was pulled into a time tunnel. One moment I was my present-day self… and the next, I was 20 again—feeling the same grief, the same heartbreak, the same shock.
I cried deeply. I felt the pain as if it had just happened.
And I realized:
This was another layer of healing asking to be felt.
Trauma, Control, and the Body
Looking back, I can now see how that unprocessed grief showed up in my life.
In my mid-to-late twenties, I developed obsessive-compulsive behaviors—constantly checking the stove, the doors, making sure everything was safe.
At the time, it felt like anxiety.
Now I understand it differently.
It was my nervous system trying to create control in a world that had once felt completely unsafe.
When loss happens suddenly, especially in our younger years, it can leave behind a deep imprint:
Fear of losing loved ones
Hypervigilance around safety
Difficulty trusting life
Anxiety in relationships
Even years later, those patterns can quietly shape how we move through the world.
Meeting Your Younger Self with Compassion
One of the most powerful parts of this recent healing experience was reconnecting with my younger self.
Instead of pushing the emotions away, I allowed myself to feel them.
I cried.
I paused.
And I imagined holding my 20-year-old self in my arms, telling her:
“You’re going to get through this. You’re safe now. It’s going to be okay.”
This kind of inner connection is incredibly healing.
It’s the version of you who lived through it that needs the most love.
Tools That Helped Me Move Through This Layer
As this grief resurfaced, I leaned into practices that support emotional release and nervous system regulation:
1. Qigong Purging Movements for Emotional Release
Gentle, flowing movements—especially arm swings paired with breathing out the mouth—helped me move stuck energy through my body.
2. Journaling and Poetry
Writing allowed me to process what words alone couldn’t fully express.
3. Self-Compassion Practices
Holding myself. Speaking kindly to my younger self. Allowing the grief without judgment.
4. Spiritual Connection
Through a mediumship session and my own intuitive awareness, I experienced a sense of connection and peace that brought deep healing.
It felt like the relationship I never got to fully experience back then… had evolved into something deeper now.
And that brought unexpected comfort.
Why Healing Happens in Layers
Sometimes we wonder:
“Why is this coming up now? I thought I already healed this.”
But healing doesn’t follow a straight timeline.
It unfolds when:
You have the capacity to hold it
You are emotionally ready
Your life circumstances allow space for it
What once felt overwhelming can later be met with compassion, awareness, and tools you didn’t have before.
It’s not a setback. It’s a deepening.
If You’re Experiencing This Too…
If something from your past is resurfacing right now, I want you to hear this:
This is not a disruption.
This is an invitation.
An invitation to:
Feel what couldn’t be felt before
Love the version of you who went through it
Release what your body has been holding
Open your heart to a new level of healing
Be gentle with yourself.
Give yourself space to feel.
And remember—there is a deeper intelligence at work here.
Whether you call it the Tao, the divine, or your inner knowing…
Your healing is unfolding exactly when it’s meant to.
There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this again.
There is something incredibly right about your willingness to heal it now.
Feel free to reach out if you need support!
Sending you love—wherever you are in your healing journey.
P.S. Here are some friends that can provide support when it comes to healing!